“I am not good enough”
Do I believe this statement? Well, that depends. Logically I know it isn’t true, but if you’ve been with me for awhile you know that the brain doesn’t play fair and our beliefs tend to overrule logic.
It’s called confirmation bias, and we all do it. It’s when we look for proof that validates an existing belief and therefore don’t perceive circumstances objectively. Not only is it unproductive, it’s detrimental to our overall success and wellbeing.
Let’s use this in the context of my parenting, which as a mom I question ALL THE TIME. I can confirm the above statement like this...
I’m a single mom.
I don’t give my boys the amount of 1:1 attention other kids get.
Yesterday I lost my shit and yelled.
Today the principal called me about my sons behavior. Again.
We can find a million reasons why a negative belief is true. You can find it when you believe you aren’t good at your job; you won’t find love; you can’t lose the weight; when going after the big goal feels scary.
Can you counter all of the negative beliefs with positive beliefs? Sure. Will you believe them? Not likely. Your brain is lazy and because you’ve already found evidence to support the belief it will resist.
That’s why we need to create a new belief first.
I know you’re waiting for the evidence so you can believe it, but dammit - it doesn’t work that way. You‘ve got to believe the new thought first and then you’ll begin to see the evidence. Bonus, once you do, you’ll start to act in ways that produce more of it.
What new belief do I have? That I do the very effing best I can for my two boys. In believing this, I can honestly say I show up for them in ways that prove it.
Tell me, what is something you want to believe about yourself? Use this knowledge to your benefit and change the damn script. Create a new belief (even though your brain doesn’t want to have anything to do with it) and then start to look for the evidence. 🧐